So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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