Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
