I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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