One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
