I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
