I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
