I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
