He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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