$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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