i was rollin on her like bob the builder
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
