but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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