Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My bed smells like the plague
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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