morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
