did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
