I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize