fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize