Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
