I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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