Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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