I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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