yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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