im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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