Best friends brother. Beat that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
