So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Mom said you looked used
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
