my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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