school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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