Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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