I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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