I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
