Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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