Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
