I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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