i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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