Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's JV to your varsity
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
