It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We just shotgunned beers for America
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
