I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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