So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
