It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
