i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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