Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There r osticjed everywhere
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
