how can u be prego again
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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