Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
