You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
