I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
