why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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