You smell like stripper and shame
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
