i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
