everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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