when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
