oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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