champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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