Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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