I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize