if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
