I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
