you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
