i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
