dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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