there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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