just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
