So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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