I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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