dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
