My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
