God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
...so i touched it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
