quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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