then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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