so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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