you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize