she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
