Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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