Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
