I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize