Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
