Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
