You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
