I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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