I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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