$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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