you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
