oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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