how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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