You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
