How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
