I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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