His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's the barista slut.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
