I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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