just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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