Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize