What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
