He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
