My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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