Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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