i jhust puked up my retainher.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
